This is not the 50s or even the 90s. Relationships seem to be more
and more transitory. Divorce rates are high, break-ups frequent, and
long-term commitment is more the exception than the rule.
There is hope, as there do exist some simple, universal, essentials that people require from their partners. These needs may be simple, but they are not easy to provide or to obtain from your partner.
The 10 Essential Human Needs:
1. Safety – Our instinct to survive supersedes all
other needs! Therefore, our first priority on the deepest unconscious
level – and sometimes on the conscious level – is to stay safe. We can
provide SAFETY for our partner by not attacking them with words or
actions, and by not threatening to end the relationship – even at those
moments when we might think it or feel like leaving.
2. Respect – Right after safety comes respect as a
primary need. When you show respect to someone, you take them seriously
and give them consideration and importance as a fellow human being. A
major trigger of hurt or anger is when a person feels disrespected. With
mutual respect, relationships have a solid foundation that provides the
opportunity to work through inevitable differences and disagreements
that occur.
READ: 10 Bedroom Tips Girls Secretly Want a Guy to Do
3. Freedom – Beyond the first amendment freedom of
expression and freedom from incarceration, there is the freedom to be
ourselves! With pressure, manipulation, and control, human beings are
instinctually on high alert, walking on eggshells. We would not have
chosen this person if we didn’t find them to be very special.
4. Trust – When you can trust someone, you have a
strong feeling that they will tell you the truth. You know they care
about you and you know that they “have your back.” You have little
worry about manipulation, deceit, or betrayal. Ultimately, you can relax
when you are with a trustful person.
READ: Your Long Distance Relationship - Signs it Could be in Trouble
5. Recognition – People absolutely need to feel that
they are “seen” and recognized as a unique person with particular
tastes, opinions, motivations, thoughts, and feelings. You may have some
major differences, but at the same time you can make the effort to
understand both the meaning and importance of what your partner
expresses.
6. Attention – Yes, childhood is long over, but we
still need to feel important in someone else’s life. When we put off
other activities for a moment and focus on our partner, we communicate
that they are worthy, interesting, and appealing as a human being. Life
can get quite “busy,” but the reward you provide your partner by giving
them attention proves to be rewarding for you as well.
7. Validation – It is a universal need to feel
valuable for what we do, what we say, and for just being who we are!
Validation has its root in “value.” When our partner expresses a feeling
or takes an action, it is easy to provide validation by acknowledging
them with words, gestures, eye contact, or a simple nod of the head. A
major frustration – often leading to hopelessness – is when our partner
does make the effort to understand what we are expressing. Our partners
do not usually need us to agree with them; they need us to feel that we
“get it!”
READ: 4 Ways to Restore Trust After Lying
8. Intimacy– When it comes to relationships, the
“buzz” word nowadays is intimacy. Well, what is it? One of the main
paths to creating an intimate personal relationship is to make time to
focus on the stories, interests, needs, feelings, thoughts, and dreams
that your partner expresses to you. Then, the connection that you
establish becomes a genuine and deep bond! At that point, you’ve got
something both rare and beautiful.
9. Space – Though not talked about much, the primary
balance to navigate in a relationship is between being part of a couple
and maintaining your unique self as a separate person. You must not
only maintain your own identity, but you must continue to grow as a
human being. Yes, you need to have your own space to work, to see your
friends, to work out, to create art or music or a short story, to
breathe!
READ: Removing the Bricks From Your Relationship Wall
10. Playfulness – It is often overlooked, but it is
an important need to take a break from the work and seriousness of
everyday life. When you play with your partner, you are taking that
break together – like a mini-vacation. You are relating in a way that is
totally unique to the two of you. Additionally, you secure the bond
between the two of you – sharing a smile, a laugh, a moment of real
connection.
No comments:
Post a Comment