Imagine knowing yourself on a deeper, more gratifying, less
judgmental level. Imagine being able to describe yourself to others
while being empowered by your strengths and experiences and not cringing
at the thought of your weaknesses and struggles.
Imagine taking care of
yourself, owning your needs and treating yourself with the love and
nurturance you would give to a baby or child.
Dating provides the platform to get to know someone, giving you the
opportunity to assess if your personalities, goals, and values are
compatible. Dating allows you to learn about a potential partner’s
likes, dislikes, background, passions, beliefs, and the like. This
knowledge is key to forming a romantic bond, however, it raises an
important question — how much is dating focused on getting to know
someone else when you might feel that you really do not know yourself?
This question leads me to the fun yet frightening exploration process
of dating yourself. This is a practice I recommend to my clients who
are newly single, grieving a breakup or divorce, attracting unhealthy
partners or who are struggling with being single or not connecting on
their dates.
Dating yourself might include everything and anything from checking
out a new restaurant, seeing a movie or live music, hiking, going to a
spa, attending a book talk, running or taking a dance or cooking class
solo. It might also include writing a gratitude note to yourself,
journaling, treating yourself to a massage or cooking yourself a
delicious dinner with the recipe you have been wanting to try. The point
is to confidently embark on the journey of doing what you love and what
brings you happiness without waiting for anyone (especially a partner)
to do it with you or for you.
In order to get the most out of this experience, dating yourself
should also include allotting some time to be alone and connect with
yourself without planned activities. Solitude aids you in developing a
healthy relationship with yourself and discovering who you are.
Although this idea might feel completely overwhelming at first, there
are many healthy benefits to dating yourself. Here are five:
1. Dating yourself gets you out of your comfort zone and into healthy
risk-taking mode, especially if you tend to stay away from going out of
your home solo or resist doing activities without the company of
someone else.
2. Dating yourself reinforces the idea that love and happiness start
within, teaching you to look within for the support, encouragement and
love that you naturally crave. This puts less pressure on potential
partners to be responsible for your happiness and health.
3. Dating yourself increases your self-esteem and worthiness as you
actively value and care for yourself. It shows you that you are
deserving of great care and attention and helps you expect that (in a
healthy way) from your future partner(s).
4. Dating yourself gives you the opportunity to get to know who you
are in a deeper way, bringing you insight about what is really important
to you. This knowledge is vital to partner selection, attraction and
maintaining healthy relationships with others.
5. Dating yourself teaches you to enjoy alone time and how to be
independent, furthering the health of your present and future
relationships and tying into the healthy balance of separateness and
togetherness in relationships. It allows you to be happy with and
without a partner.
If you’re still not sold…think about it like this: The more fear or
discomfort you have about dating yourself, the more valuable this
process will be. If you find yourself anxious or worrying about judgment
from others for doing activities alone, look inward, notice your
thoughts and make room for them without attachment.
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