A
survey by the dating site EliteSingles just found that 30 percent of
women and 21 percent of men compare their current sex lives with the sex
lives they had with their exes. Um...is that OK?
According
to sex and dating expert Nikki Goldstein, D.H.S., it's just human
nature. After all, how would we even know if the sex was good if we had
nothing to compare it to? Our pasts "provide a level for us to determine
if something is good, bad, or better," Goldstein says. "It's also how
we learn about what we want and how our bodies work."
However,
there's a limit to this and dwelling on your past relationships can
reach an unhealthy level. According to Goldstein, it makes sense to
think about things you can learn from and tweak, like how you and your
current partner move together in bed, but comparing innate attributes
like penis size isn't going to help anyone. "It's
important to stay present with your current sex life and celebrate what
it is you enjoy, but also work with what's in front of you," she says.
In other words, if your ex taught you what works for you in bed, that
information can be useful when it comes to sex with your current S.O.
But if your memories are just making you view your current partner as
inadequate, it's best to try to push them out of your mind. Finally,
Goldstein says it's crucial to reframe the way you view sex with your
ex if you feel like you keep revisiting it mentally: "Instead of seeing
each situation as better or worse, we should look at all sexual
experiences as just different." Sound advice.source: Smitten
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